NFL Big Brother NFL: The Detroit Lions are the new HOH on NFL Big Brother.




2016 NFL Big Brother Week 7 HOH




Posted By: Chris Ransom on 10/19/2016



Julie Chen: Welcome to NFL Big Brother. My Name is Julie Chen and I'll be hosting NFL Big Brother where 32 NFL Teams compete against each other for the right to be HOH in order to play for the Big Brother Bowl. Today is the first day of the NFL Big Brother Playoffs. What can you tell us about the 16 remaining teams Scott Hanson.



Scott Hanson: Thanks Julie. Only 2 teams have made it to the round of 8. That means 6 spots are left for the AFC and NFC with 3 spots left in the AFC and 3 spots left in the NFC. Those teams are the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC with their victory over the Chiefs in week 4 and the Minnesota Vikings in the NFC who are advancing to the round of 8 despite their first round opponent Detroit being the HOH this week since they were the last unbeaten. All Detroit can do is nominate the Vikings and hope the Eagles win which would force the Minnesota Vikings to use their NFL Big Brother Hall Pass. The Denver Broncos, New England Patriots, and Dallas Cowboys would be the only teams remaining with NFL Big Brother Hall Passes.



Julie Chen: Any last words Kansas City.



Andy Reid: We would have advanced if our offensive line of Kool-Aid men was at full health. Our red Kool-Aid man is recording a rap album with Snoop Dog, our yellow Kool-Aid man retired, our blue Kool-Aid man got traded to the Lions for a fifth round pick, and and the rest of our Kool-Aid men are on IR.



Julie Chen: That does if for Kansas City. Give us an update on the remaining teams that can be HOH for weeks 7-16 Scott Hanson.



Scott Hanson: This week Detroit is the HOH with the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers evicted from the game. Next week, the Jacksonville Jaguars will face the Tennessee Titans for the right to be the HOH in week 8. That Jaguars VS Titans game is a huge game for both of the bottom seeds in the AFC since the Denver Broncos and New England Patriots have NFL Big Brother Hall Passes.


In week 9, Atlanta will be the HOH with them facing Tampa Bay, and Tampa Bay evicted from the game. In week 10, the Pittsburgh Steelers will be the HOH because Cleveland and Baltimore who play on Thursday Night are evicted from the game. In week 11, Atlanta will be HOH for the second time in three weeks with New Orleans going to Carolina for Thursday Night Football.


In week 12, we got a few teams including the Minnesota Vikings, Washington Redskins, Dallas Cowboys, or Pittsburgh Steelers that could be HOH. In week 13, Dallas faces Minnesota on Thursday Night Football. The winner will be HOH in week 13 and the loser of that game will have to use their NFL Big Brother Hall Pass assuming both teams have their hall passes in week 13.


In week 14, the Denver Broncos will be HOH assuming they are still in the game by that point because the Oakland Raiders head to Kansas City for Thursday Night Football that week. The Seattle Seahawks will be the week 15 HOH if they are still in the game by that point. Otherwise one of the remaining NFC teams will be the HOH that week.


In week 16, the New York Giants play the Philadelphia Eagles, and assuming both teams remain in that game by that point, one will be HOH. Otherwise Washington or Dallas would be HOH depending on who is still in the game at that point depending on what happens with the Giants and Eagles heading into week 16. There is still a lot of football left to be played Julie.



Julie Chen: Thanks Scott. We now head out to Bar Louie where Matthew Stafford was seen.




Matthew Stafford: You were awesome on Sunday Blue Kool-Aid Man. The offensive line is really coming together with Taylor Decker at left tackle, Laken Tomlinson at left guard, you at center, Larry Warford at right guard, and Riley Reiff at right tackle. What would you like help with Blue Kool-Aid man.



Blue Kool-Aid Man: Teach me how to talk to girls.



Matthew Stafford: I'd tell you to be yourself, but all you do is crash into walls and yell Oh Yeah. That turns off women man.



Blue Kool-Aid Man: Girls can party in me since I am like a hot tub with Kool-Aid in it.



Matthew Stafford: Only the sluts like to party in Hot Tubs and don't call them that man. Women are very sensitive creatures.



Blue Kool-Aid Man: OH YEAH!


Peyton Manning came into Bar Louie with Eli. Matthew Stafford, the Blue Kool-Aid Man, Ron Burgundy, and Roger Goodell were all drinking beer. Peyton began singing like in his Nationwide commercials.



Peyton Manning: Blue Kool-Aid man likes to harass girls.



Ron Burgundy: Shut your face Peyton, Denver lost to San Diego. Doesn't that mean, Denver is the have nots this week Roger Goodell.



Peyton Manning: It doesn't matter we got rid of the Chargers in week 1, and we play San Diego again in week 8 in Denver. Tattling on Goodell makes you look like a bigger bitch than Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend.



Ron Burgundy: How dare you talk like that to Mrs. Te'o. Mrs. Te'o is a classy elegant woman that Donald Trump would bang even if she's married, but Trump is an asshole and that's not the point. A woman that enchanting will not deal with your shit Peyton.



Peyton Manning: No, Mrs. Te'o is Manti Te'o's mother who has to put up with her disappointing son who is basically the poor mans Junior Seau. Miss Te'o would be Manti Te'o's girlfriend if he actually had one that wasn't fake.



Roger Goodell: Will you two idiots shut the hell up. I'm trying to drink this Red Stripe. Hooray Beer. Also Burgundy's right. You're have not punishment will be to go cycling.



Eli Manning: Peyton and I had plans to see the real life Lion King remake tomorrow night. We got exclusive tickets to the World Premiere.



Matthew Stafford: Can I come to the premiere with you guys.



Peyton Manning: Sure, we'd love to have you join us Matthew Stafford.



Roger Goodell: Luckily for you, the race takes place during the day tomorrow morning.


The next day passed with everyone except Ron Burgundy returning to the NFL Big Brother House. Goodell went back to his office and Peyton Manning was serving his have not punishment.



Peyton won the race wearing a yellow outfit like Lance Armstrong. As Peyton fled back, Donald Trump began making plans for the Jaguars first home game against the Raiders. He got a phone call from Mark Davis from the Oakland Raiders. Before Trump got on the phone with Mark Davis, Bill Belichick complained about the Windows Tablet.



Bill Belichick: This Microsoft Tablet is stupid. I'm coaching with an I Pad on Sunday agianst the Steelers instead. I'll be protesting like Colin Kaepernick, except I'll stand during the National Anthem unlike that communist pussy.


Davis called Trump again after no response. Trump answered the phone.



Mark Davis: Hey Donald, congrats on making the 2016 NFL Big Brother Playoffs. I hope you give the Denver Broncos hell, but do you got a second.



Donald Trump: No you guys got eliminated last week, I have to post Roger Goodell posters all over the stadium.



Mark Davis: Give me 60 seconds. If you throw the game to the Raiders on Sunday, we'll name the new stadium in Las Vegas Trump Stadium and we will give 10 percent of the Raiders ownership and pay you to use the name Trump on our stadium.



Donald Trump: That's a good deal. Let me get back to you.



Donald Trump Jr.: Father, you cannot own both the Jaguars and the Raiders. I'm pretty certain that's extortion.



Donald Trump: Don't worry son. I will become President and you will be commissioner of the NFL with Eric taking over the Jaguars when that happens. Don't worry, we're gonna make America Great again.



Donald Trump Jr.: What if we lose the election.



Donald Trump: Well I'll still own the Jaguars son and we will work towards getting our revenge on Roger Goodell. I'm gonna make America great again.



Eric Trump: Father, when can I post the Goodell posters all across the stadium?



Donald Trump: Yes son, it's time to post the posters up.




Donald Trump: Do you see how awesome the Jaguars stadium is with these new posters. We're gonna make America great again.


We returned to NFL Big Brother where Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, and Matthew Stafford were at the Movie theatre.






Peyton Manning: That movie was awful.



Matthew Stafford: I disagree. I liked it. I love Cecil the Lion.



Peyton Manning: Cecil the Lion killed Harambe.



Matthew Stafford: While the Bengals brought Harambe back to life, we brought Cecil back to life last week. Cecil is doing great work in the community and even assembled an army of gay lions. The LGBT community loves the Gay lions that are in Cecil's army. I can take you to see them tomorrow.



Eli Manning: Shh. I'm trying to watch the credits.



Peyton Manning: That sounds like fun. We can bring Pinky and Archie Manning. Archie has always wanted to meet a herd of gay lions before he died.



Eli Manning: Shut your mouths I'm watching the credits. Also, we're not bringing Pinky to the Zoo tomorrow. We need to study our competition before we make our move. You of all people should know that Peyton.



Matthew Stafford: Who is Pinky?



Peyton Manning: A pink zoo animal that fights breast cancer.



Matthew Stafford: That's awesome.



Eli Manning: Shut your fucking mouths I'm watching the credits.



Peyton Manning: Matthew, I'll be out in the car getting our ride started. Let me know when Eli stops acting like bitch.



Eli Manning: Just go Peyton.


Matthew Stafford and Eli Manning headed to Peyton's car. They went back to Peyton's for nachos before resting up for a big day. Meanwhile Goodell was meeting with Trump.



Roger Goodell: Donald Trump, you are not the owner of the Jaguars. Shahid Khan owns the Jaguars.



Donald Trump: Get out. Shahid Khan and I made a man to man deal. Shahid Khan and I made a deal. Shahid has been doing a good job honoring the Omerta.



Roger Goodell: Donald Trump, lets get something straight. The NFL is not a capitalist world where two owners make an Iron Clad deal. It's a socialist world where 32 owners vote on shit and split the revenue equally. You want to be the Jaguars owner we vote on it and if 16 of the other 31 owners say yes you are on board.



Donald Trump: I knew you were a socialist just like Obama Goodell.



Roger Goodell: I'm nothing like the muslim socialist known as Barry Soetoro.



Donald Trump: You are all talk and no action just like Hillary Clinton Goodell. This why I need to be president. You are a republican, but are voting for Hillary just so NFL Martial Law will occur. What you are doing is stupid Goodell.



Roger Goodell: You have until the end of the 2016 Election to get out of this office and take down all the posters of me with a Hitler mustache. That's about as childish as saying the election is rigged. Otherwise, I will disqualify the Jacksonville Jaguars from the game meaning Denver will move on to the next round.



Donald Trump: You are just scared Goodell. You are scared that we will beat Denver and win the entire damn thing.



Roger Goodell: Nobody is scared of you. You are just extremely childish and you give the NFL a bad image.



Donald Trump: Then let me stay Goodell. We win the entire thing this season on NFL Big Brother, I get to be the Jaguars owner. If we lose, then I'll leave peacefully and Khan can have his team back in the offseason.



Roger Goodell: I'll take you up on that deal. Denver has an NFL Big Brother Hall pass and you cannot even nominate them for eviction in week 8 since they play San Diego even if you defeat the Titans and win HOH.



Donald Trump: That may be true, but I can evict the Cowboys in week 8. Dallas will be fresh off a bye.



Roger Goodell: Dallas has an NFL Big Brother Hall pass meaning they stay in the game even if they lose to the Eagles and you nominate them. I'd offer the Jaguars an NFL Big Brother Hall pass for your resignation, but you are too stubborn to resign.



Donald Trump: I'm not resigning Goodell. Get the fuck out of my office.


Roger Goodell left the Jaguars office. Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Archie Manning, and Matthew Stafford finally arrived at the zoo the next day. Someone asked if they could join the tour.



Mike Pence: Can I join the tour. I'd love to see the Lions.



Peyton Manning: I don't know Mike Pence. I have a bad feeling about letting you join the tour.



Eli Manning: If Trump's Vice President is not going to cuss like Trump and just admire the Lions from far away I don't see why he cannot tag along with us.



Peyton Manning: Fair point Eli.


Stafford began the tour. He showed the Mannings and Mike Pence the Army of Gay Lions that worked for Cecil at the Detroit Zoo.




Matthew Stafford: The Red Lion is named Blood. He was the first Lion to get accepted into the bloods.



Blood: ROAR!



Eli Manning: I need to let my brothers in the Crips know about Blood.



Peyton Manning: I cannot believe you joined a gang Eli.



Archie Manning: Well, if Eli wants to join a gang that's his life choice son. Please continue Matthew Stafford.



Matthew Stafford: The Orange Lion is named Big Orange. He was the first Lion to get accepted into College. He went to Tennessee and can roar the entire Rocky Top Song.



Peyton Manning: Rocky Top You'll always be home sweet home to me. Good Ole, Rocky top. Rockytop Tennessee.



Big Orange: ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR! ROAR ROAR ROAR ROAR. ROAR ROAR!



Peyton Manning: That's amazing. How much that Lion cost. We can train it and it can live at Archie's place.



Archie Manning: No thanks son. Please lets let Matthew Stafford continue.



Matthew Stafford: The Yellow Lion is named Super Sonic. He was the first Lion to play video games. He loves Sonic The Hedgehog.



Super Sonic: ROAR!



Peyton Manning: That's stupid. Lions don't know how to play Video Games. I'll race Super Sonic right now in Sonic the Hedgehog 2 with Tails and I will win.



Archie Manning: Stop being an ass Peyton. Who is the Green Lion?



Mike Pence: That's Green Party candidate Jill Stein.



Matthew Stafford: Very impressive Vice President Pence. I'm impressed that you know something about the Army of Gay Lions that works for Cecil.



Green Party Candidate Jill Stein: ROAR!



Eli Manning: I was hoping the Green Lion would be named Greenie, Hulk, or Oscar The Grouch.



Matthew Stafford: The Blue Lion is called Detroit. He is an aspiring Lion that wants to become the leader of the group.



Detroit: ROAR!



Matthew Stafford: The Purple Lion is called Minnesota. He is the group's current leader, but he's a total dick.



Minnesota: ROAR!



Mike Zimmer: Even though we're division rivals. I have to say these Lions are majestic creatures. How would you like to be the newest addition to the Vikings defense Minnesota.



Matthew Stafford: God damn it, Coach Zimmer stole one of the Lions.


Minnesota ate the contract and abandoned his Lion Brothers. Detroit became the leader of the group now.



Eli Manning: Mike Zimmer may have stolen Minnesota, but I saw his NFL Big Brother Hall pass in his pocket and swiped it from him so now the Vikings no longer have their hall pass.



Matthew Stafford: Yes, now Minnesota can get evicted if they lose to the Eagles on Sunday since the Vikings have to present that to remain in the game. It says in the NFL Big Brother contract that the cast of NFL Big Brother is not responsible for stolen or replaced items including, but not limited to NFL Big Brother Hall Passes.



Peyton Manning: Wow, I cannot believe you have enough brain cells to remember that Matthew Stafford. I cannot believe you would steal from Coach Zimmer Eli.



Eli Manning: He stole a win from us back in week 4 so even if we beat the Cowboys, we'd most likely face the Vikings and they have a tiebreaker over us.



Peyton Manning: Still, stealing is wrong Eli. So when we talk to Bill Belichick about setting up an exchange with Pinky and Cecil we need to kill all the lions except for Big Orange who Archie will raise. We will avenge Harambe and then stick our dicks out in his honor once Cecil is dead.



Archie Manning: Peyton, we do need to avenge Harambe, but we're not sticking our dicks out when Cecil is dead and we're not using Pinky the Gorilla to kill a bunch of gay lions. Also you will return that Hall Pass to Coach Zimmer and in exchange he is bringing Minnesota back to the zoo. Got it boys.



Matthew Stafford: The group of Lions appears to have better chemistry under Detroit instead of Minnesota. A play date with Pinky the Zoo animal that fights breast cancer and Cecil will be fun.



Peyton Manning: It will be a lot of fun. You could even say it will be a ball. Can we just exit this piece of shit zoo?


Matthew Stafford and the Manning's exited the zoo. Mike Pence fled to Jacksonville to speak with his President and running mate Donald Trump.



Mike Pence: The City Of Detroit has an army of gay Lions.



Donald Trump: You signed a law back in 2013 that prevents gays from being served in Public. Use that on the army of gay lions.



Mike Pence: This army of Lions even has a Green lion that's a dike named Jill Stein.



Donald Trump: Is it like the Green Party Candidate named Jill Stein?



Mike Pence: Yes.



Donald Trump: With your homophobia and my White Supremacist mentality we will make America Great Again in no time Mike Pence. Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump get in here.



Eric Trump: Father, when can I do.



Donald Trump: You and your brother are going to Detroit. Remember when you went poaching. Now you will go to the Detroit Zoo and take care of the army of gay lions.



Donald Trump Jr.: Can't we just deport them to a third world country like Africa. That way we can showcase that we care about animals in a Homophobic way.



Donald Trump: I wish it were that simple son. I really do.


Trump continued to talk about getting rid of the Gay Lions at the Detroit Zoo. Then Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton stormed into his office.



Hillary Clinton: I cannot believe you want to kill gay lions. Your son is just as homophobic for wanting to deport them. The truth is I have 330,000 emails on my server not 30,000. These dumb ass Americans are so obsessed with political correctness, that it will lead to me becoming the first female president in the history of the United States.



Donald Trump: That's where you are wrong sugar tits. I got everything you said on tape. Now I'm going to turn this tape over to the cops. You will go to jail. With you being in jail for tonights final debate I will win by default.



Hillary Clinton: I can still debate you over Skype in my cell you cheap piece of shit. You are so shallow that you have to put me in jail to win even though the election isn't over. I have the courage to debate you from my cell.



Donald Trump Jr.: Come on Hillary, it's time to put your hands up. The police are here Hillary.



Eric Trump: Anything Hillary says can and will be used against her in the court of law including what she said on her 330,000 emails.



Donald Trump: That's right son.


Police took Hillary Clinton to jail. Donald Trump began dancing in his office as if the election was his.


All 15 NFL teams were back at the NFL Big Brother House. It was time for Detroit to nominate two teams for the Power Of Veto game.



Julie Chen: House Guests. The Detroit Lions will now nominate two teams for eviction.



Jim Caldwell: The Detroit Lions nominate the Minnesota Vikings and the Philadelphia Eagles for eviction.



Julie Chen: Well, Minnesota and Philadelphia have been nominated for eviction. What does this mean Scott Hanson?



Scott Hanson: Well one of two scenarios will occur now. If the Minnesota Vikings win they will be 6-0 and then the Philadelphia Eagles will be evicted which would put Seattle in the final 8 with Minnesota. If Philadelphia wins the Vikings would present their NFL Big Brother Hall pass to us to remain in the game with Kansas City being the only team evicted this week. Detroit would be evicted in week 8 if that happened since Minnesota has locked up a spot in the final 8 along with Pittsburgh.



Julie Chen: Thanks Scott. We'll be back next time on NFL Big Brother.


Next time on NFL Big Brother. Will Minnesota or Philadelphia take themselves off the block? Will Eli Manning return the NFL Big Brother Hall Pass To Mike Zimmer in exchange for Minnesota the Lion? Will Minnesota the Purple Lion join the Vikings defense at defensive tackle against the Eagles? Will Bill Clinton free Hillary from jail? Roger Goodell and Rob Kraft go on a cruise together leaving Bill Belichick in charge of the Patriots. Peyton Manning and Bill Belichick meet up to discuss how Pinkey will deal with Cecil's army of Gay Lions. Trump's kids will also chase those Lions. Will Peyton Manning and Bill Belichick beat Trump's kids to Cecil's army of Lions. Liam Niasson gets suspicious of Donald Trump and decides to personally pay him a visit. Finally, Tom Brady considers making a bribe that Roger Goodell may not refuse. All of this next time on NFL Big Brother.



Teams Evicted From NFL Big Brother


  1. Carolina Panthers


  1. San Diego Chargers


  1. Indianapolis Colts


  1. Miami Dolphins


  1. Green Bay Packers


  1. San Francisco 49ers


  1. Cleveland Browns


  1. Baltimore Ravens


  1. New York Jets


  1. Chicago Bears


  1. Los Angeles Rams


  1. Cincinnati Bengals


  1. Oakland Raiders


  1. New orleans Saints


  1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers


  1. Arizona Cardinals


  1. Kansas City Chiefs







Comment Box is loading comments...