Posted By: Chris Ransom on 9/29/2015
Julie Chen: Welcome back to NFL Big Brother. This week the New York Giants won HOH. They nominated the Atlanta Falcons and the Dallas Cowboys.
Who will Eli Manning nominate? Let's go to the Big Brother Household to find out.
Tom Brady: Tom Brady AFC East Teams I have an important announcement to make.
Rex Ryan: Blow it out your ass Brady.
Tom Brady: This is a huge announcement. There is an alliance in Big Brother and I need everyones help to defeat them. This alliance has 9 members and we need to get our 9 members together to form the Brady Bunch. This alliance is out to destroy the people of Revis Island and also wants to keep Ndamukong Suh from snoring like Snorlax when sleeping.
Darrelle Revis: We cannot let this alliance hurt the people of Revis Island. I will not allow it.
Ndamukong Suh: I will sack this alliance Tom.
Tom Brady: That won't be necessary. We must stick together and use social game to defeat the Super Manning Brothers. Their alliance consists of Mike Tomlin, the entire AFC West, and the entire NFC East. We the AFC East division must fight this injustice.
Bill Belichick: Brady we need more than the AFC East if we are going to build an alliance called the Brady bunch. Let's team up with the Browns and Bengals to get the pesky Steelers out of the game who robbed us of HOH in week 1. Then we will recruit the Texans so J.J. Watt can scare the shit out of Peyton Manning. Finally we will add 2 3-0 NFC Teams in the Atlanta Falcons and the Arizona Cardinals. With these numbers we cannot lose Tom.
Tom Brady: Alright I'll recruit the other members coach Belichick.
Bill Belichick: I'll come with you Tom. Aaron you stay here and guard the other AFC East Teams.
Tom Brady and Bill Belichick headed out to recruit the other members that would eventually join the Brady Bunch. Aaron Hernandez monitored the other AFC East teams.
Aaron Hernandez: Alright. I get to play cards with the guards.
Rex Ryan: You know if I wasn't in an alliance with the Patriots I'd send you back to jail with my feet.
Aaron Hernandez: The gangster is not afraid of your feet. I go to Revis Island to get my gangster juice.
Darrelle Revis: As long as you don't hurt the people of Revis Island you can have as much gangster juice as you want.
Ndamukong Suh: Why do you think they call it the National Felon League?
J.J. Watt: Belichick and Brady. What can I do for you gentlemen.
Bill Belichick: We want you to join the Brady Bunch. Peyton Manning has an alliance called the Super Manning Brothers with the AFC West, NFC East, and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
J.J. Watt: I'm in. I think I'm gonna come with you just in case Andy Dalton or Johnny Manziel turns us down.
Bill Belichick: That's good to hear lets go.
Johnny Manziel: It's Bill Belichick you used to coach the Cleveland Browns. What can I do for you?
Bill Belichick: I'm amazed you have enough brain cells to remember that with all your partying at Texas A&M.
Johnny Manziel: I also defeated former Browns defensive backs coach Nick Saban when Alabama hosted Texas A&M.
Bill Belichick: I'm amazed you have enough brain cells to remember that Nick Saban was a defensive backs coach with the Browns. You are making every Yale Rhodes Scholar look like a retard Johnny Manziel.
Tom Brady: We don't have to call Yale Rhodes Scholar's retards. That's offensive plus everyone knows Yale is Harvard's bitch. For example people that go to Yale believe doing the politically correct thing is the law. People at Harvard are like entrepreneurs with a sense of entitlement because they were College Dropouts with their own companies like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates.
Bill Belichick: Forget the Yale VS Harvard debate we need to recruit the Bengals.
Andy Dalton: I'm in. Johnny Manziel texted me about joining your alliance while you guys were bickering about Harvard and Yale. When does the state of Texas get some love. I went to TCU and Manziel went to Texas A&M.
Bill Belichick: Alright we recruited all the AFC teams. Our alliance has 7 of the 9 members we plan on adding. If the Ravens beat the Steelers led by Michael Vick we will rule the house in week 4. With the Colts out of the game we will rule the house in week 5. If the Falcons join the house in week 6 we will be HOH in week 6. Then Miami or us will play in week 7 with the Patriots remaining safe for the entire month of October.
Tom Brady: Take the AFC teams back to headquarters. I'm going to recruit the other two NFC Teams.
Julie Chen: What will the NFC Teams say to joining the Brady Bunch and what celebrity will crash with the Super Manning Brothers this weekend. Stay Tuned.
Tom Brady: Matt Ryan. Eli Manning is part of an alliance. I'll tell you about if if you join the Brady Bunch alliance where we ensure your protection.
Matt Ryan: Alright I'm in.
Tom Brady: The AFC West, NFC East, and the Pittsburgh Steelers are in a 9 man alliance called the Super Manning Brothers. We are forming a 9 man alliance as well featuring the Cleveland Browns, Cincinnati Bengals, Houston Texans, the entire AFC East, you guys, and the Arizona Cardinals.
Matt Ryan: Sounds like a plan. The Cowboys are up for eviction so we can deplete this alliance by making an example out of Jerry Jones today.
Larry Fitzgerald: I'll join this group on one condition. I plan on running for President in 2020. Can you two manage my campaign for the state of Georgia and Massachusetts if I run for president.
Matt Ryan: Of course.
Tom Brady: Absolutely, I'm gonna launch a Larry Fitzgerald presidential campaign on Kick Starter right now. Once Fitzgerald is president we can overturn all decision Roger Goodell makes muhaha!
With the Brady Bunch Alliance complete and set in motion a celebrity guest joined the Super Manning Brothers just for this weekend.
Pope Francis: Peyton and Eli Manning. I enjoyed visitng the Giants, Eagles, and Redskins this weekend. I saw Jerry Jones try to steal my red bishop Cardinal outfit. Can I take his spot just for this weekend? I promise to leave after that. We can talk about it downstairs. I brought Crab Legs and Chicken Parmesan.
Peyton Manning: Chicken Parm it tastes so good.
The Big Brother survelliance cameras caught someone eating the crab legs and Peyton Manning's chicken parmesan on tape. This individual was wearing his NFL Draft gear from the 2015 NFL Draft.
Jameis Winston: Man that Chicken Parmesan was good. It was almost as good as the crab legs.
Peyton Manning: Who ate my chicken parm and who was rude enough to eat the Pope's Crab Legs that he strictly brought for us.
Jameis Winston: It wasn't me.
Peyton Manning: Of course it was you. Who else but Winston steals crab legs.
Eli Manning: I know who I am going to nominate, but I am going to let Pope Francis decide who to evict in the event of a tiebreaker.
Pope Francis: Oh how kind of you Eli. I doubt we will even have a tiebreaker.
Roger Goodell: Pope Francis is not allowed to nominate anyone for eviction.
Pope Francis tasered Roger Goodell with his hands like Emperor Palpatine in Star Wars. Goodell was shocked and speechless.
Peyton Manning: I have instantly gained an infinite amount of respect for Pope Francis for what he did to Roger Goodell. Pope Francis gets free weed for life in the State of Colorado.
Julie Chen: House Guests it is time for the Power Of Veto ceremony. All teams must report to me immediately.
All 29 teams reported to the game. Everyone expected Eli Manning to nominate 2 NFC Teams. Some thought Eli would surprise people, but putting up Atlanta and Dallas should not come as a surprise.
Julie Chen: Welcome to this Power Of Veto ceremony. The Atlanta Falcons won the Power Of Veto and have the floor.
Matt Ryan: Thank you Julie. We decide to use the Power Of Veto on ourselves. Please pick a new team to nominate Eli.
Eli Manning: The New York Giants have decided to nominate the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as a replacement team to the Atlanta Falcons. Jameis Winston ate the Pope's Crab Legs and Dallas will remain on the block because they stole Pope Francis's Bishop Cardinal outfit.
With Dallas, Tampa Bay, and the New York Giants not being able to vote only 26 teams could vote. After a 27-0 eviction in favor of the Indianapolis Colts last week, we got even more parody when 13 teams voted to evict the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with the other 13 teams voting to evict the Dallas Cowboys.
Julie Chen: Alright Tampa Bay and Dallas both of you have 13 votes. Eli please choose to evict.
Eli Manning: Alright I nominated these two teams, but I will cleanse myself of my sins by letting Pope Francis decide who to evict.
Pope Francis: Eli, Jameis Winston and Jerry Jones both committed severe infractions. Jameis may have ate our food, but he was like Jesus at the last supper. Jerry Jones was so cheap that he would not let me visit Dallas after I visited New York, Washington, and Philadelphia. To top that off Jerry Jones stole my pope outfit.
Julie Chen: Alright there you have it. Pope Francis broke the tie with his holiness by evicting the Dallas Cowboys from this game.
Jerry Jones: Eli Manning assured me that I was just a pawn and that they planned on evicting another team. Eli used Pope Francis as a scapegoat to wipe the blood off of his hands. I hope the Manning Brothers rot in hell.
Next time on NFL Big Brother. The Cleveland Browns battle in place of the Baltimore Ravens against the Pittsburgh Steelers for HOH. The rivalry between the Brady Bunch and the Super Manning Brothers is on like Donkey Kong. Snoop Dog steals the Kool-Aid men from Andy Reid and recruits them to another NFL team. Finally Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota both have to sing a It Wasn't Me By Shaggy as both the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Tennessee Titans are have nots in week 4. Find out what happens next week in an epic week 4 show.
Teams Evicted From NFL Big Brother
Click the links for access to your favorite NFL Teams.